Perimenopause & Anxiety: Why You Feel Like You’re Losing Your Shit

So you’re standing in the kitchen beating yourself up because the spinach went bad. Again.
You swore you bought it two days ago, and now it’s a pile of slimy sadness.
And the part that’s really messing with you?
This spinach thing feels like a crisis—and you can’t logic your way out of it.

Welcome to perimenopause, where your anxiety gets louder, your fuse gets shorter, and your brain feels like it’s glitching in ways that make you question everything.

You're not crazy. You're not broken. You're not weak.
You're in a chapter no one warned you about—and it’s affecting your nervous system hard.

Let’s break it down.

This Isn’t the Menopause You Were Taught to Expect

You probably thought menopause was just a thing that happened later—a quiet ending to periods sometime around 50. Maybe a hot flash or two, maybe not. End of story.

But perimenopause is the shitshow before the show.
It can start in your late 30s or early 40s, and it’s sneaky. You might still be getting your period (sort of), but everything else starts to go sideways. And anxiety? It often skyrockets.

From my research on the interwebs, here’s why:

• Your hormones are fluctuating constantly—especially estrogen and progesterone, which directly impact your brain’s ability to regulate mood and stress.

• Sleep goes to hell—and that alone can crank up anxiety.

• Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, especially if you’ve had trauma or high-functioning anxiety to begin with.

So if you were already a little tightly wound (because, let’s be real, most high-functioning anxious women are), perimenopause is like someone turning the volume up to 11… and then smashing the knob off.

Why Does It Feel Like I’m Losing Control?

Because in some ways, you are—at least temporarily.

Your brain chemistry is shifting. Your body is doing shit you can’t predict. You’re still trying to work, manage your calendar, show up for friends, pay bills, act like everything’s fine... and now you’ve got random tears, hot flashes, rage outbursts, and anxiety spirals that make zero sense.

This is particularly hard if you’re childfree by choice. Because let’s be honest: society tends to frame this entire hormonal chapter as being about motherhood or fertility loss.

But what if you never wanted kids?
What if you built a life around independence, autonomy, and freedom?

Then this whole perimenopause thing doesn’t just feel like your body changing.
It can feel like your identity shaking.

It’s Not Just Hormonal—It’s Existential

Here’s the part that often gets missed:

Perimenopause isn’t just about your ovaries slowing down. It’s a deep identity shift, too.

For many childfree women, this is the first time the culture really treats you like you're “aging out” of womanhood—like you’re invisible, irrelevant, or “less than” because you didn’t follow the mom track.

You might be asking:

• Is this all there is?

• Why do I feel so restless?

• What do I actually want next?

This can bring up old grief, unresolved trauma, and buried anxiety. And it makes sense that your nervous system is sounding every alarm it has. It’s not just a chemical shift—it’s a life shift.

How Anxiety Shows Up Differently Now

You might be used to your particular flavor of anxiety. Maybe you overwork, overthink, overgive, stay “on” all the time to feel safe. Maybe you manage it with lists, control, and pushing through.

But now? That system’s failing.
Your body is saying: no more.

Here’s what perimenopause anxiety can look like:

• Waking up at 3 AM with dread and spiraling thoughts

• Crying over things you’d normally brush off

• Overwhelm that hits fast and feels physical

• Rage outbursts that scare even you

• Feeling like you're crawling out of your skin in social situations

• Losing words mid-sentence and panicking about it

• Obsessive worry about time slipping away

None of this means you’re broken.
It means your system is trying to adapt—and sending out every warning flare it has.

SO, What the Fuck can You Do About It?

Let’s start here: you don’t need to “calm down” or “get over it.”
You need to rebuild your foundation—physically, emotionally, mentally.

That starts with:

1. Getting clear on what’s happening.
   Understand that hormones do impact mood. You’re not imagining this. You’re not making it up. And you're not a failure for not handling it perfectly.

2. Listening to your body instead of pushing through.
   I know this goes against every high-functioning instinct you have, but your body isn’t betraying you—it’s begging you to pay attention.

3. Letting the mask fall a little.
   You don’t have to pretend everything’s fine. You don’t have to keep being the “together one” for everyone else.

4. Working with a therapist who gets it.
   This is where therapy can be life-changing—not the surface-level stuff, but real, rooted healing. The kind that helps you reprocess old shit, meet your anxious parts with compassion, and build something new from the ground up.

You’re Not Starting Over. You’re Rebuilding Forward.

This isn’t the end of your power.
This is where you reclaim it.

You don’t have to keep carrying everything. You don’t have to keep pretending.
You don’t need to just survive this chapter—you get to grow through it.

Yes, it’s messy. Yes, it’s weird. Yes, it’s disorienting as hell.

But it’s also your chance to pause, burn down what’s not working, and rebuild a life that actually supports you.

You’re not losing your shit.
You’re waking up.

And if you want support navigating that wake-up call, that’s exactly what I’m here for.

Ready to stop holding it all together alone?
Let’s rebuild what burnout, patriarchy, and anxiety tried to destroy.
Let’s grow something better. For real this time.

When Summer Slips Through Your Fingers (and You Feel Like Time Is Running Out)

Every new month or season change I definitely get a tinge of anxiety… time is moving too fast.

Let’s be honest—summer’s ending, and we not okay about it.

Maybe you didn’t travel as much as you planned. Maybe you were supposed to “slow down and savor it,” but you blinked and suddenly it’s almost the end of August and your Google calendar is screaming about September meetings and fall chaos, and OMG holiday season…

You catch yourself spiraling:
Another season gone.

Another year flying by.

What am I even doing with my life?

If that’s you? Take a breath. You’re not the only one caught in this weird panic spiral about time moving too fucking fast. I’m there with you, for sure.

Let’s talk about it. Because behind the “I just wish I had more time” narrative is something deeper—and if you’re a high-functioning, anxious, independent woman, you’ve probably been taught to ignore it.

The Anxiety Isn’t Really About Summer

Sure, the sun’s setting a little earlier. Sure, the breezy joy of rooftop drinks and beach weekends are winding down. But if you’re feeling a full-on emotional tidal wave as August ends, the grief is about more than summer.

It’s about time.

It’s about control.

It’s about expectations.

And it’s about the relentless pressure you put on yourself to use every moment wisely, to optimize every second, to not “waste” your one wild and precious life. (Thanks, Mary Oliver, for the existential dread.) Or Oliver Burkeman for reminding us how many weeks we have left in this life (4000 weeks is a very good book, we read in bookclub last year!)

If you’re childfree by choice, this pressure can hit even harder. (and heck, if you’re thinking about trying to have a baby or are just generally a woman in your 30s or 40s… this all still applies!!) Society constantly tells you you’re supposed to fill your time with something “productive” or “purposeful.” You’re not just living—you’re expected to be crushing it. Traveling. Thriving. Growing. Healing. Being an icon of the empowered woman who has her shit together.

So when summer ends and you don’t feel transformed?
When you feel like time slipped through your fingers?
Cue the inner critic.

“What did you even do this summer?”
“You didn’t do enough.”
“You wasted it. Again.”

No wonder you feel anxious. That voice is brutal.

You’re Not Wasting Time—You’re Exhausted from Holding It All

If you feel like the weeks flew by and you didn’t make the most of them, it doesn’t mean you’re lazy or failing. It might mean you were busy surviving. Managing your job. Managing your body. Managing your emotions. Managing other people’s needs.

And doing all of that while trying to appear calm, competent, and “fun,” because god forbid someone thinks you’re not chill.

That kind of invisible labor is fucking exhausting.

Of course it doesn’t feel like enough.

Of course you’re grieving time passing.

You weren’t doing nothing—you were carrying everything.

Let’s Reframe Time (Because Time Isn’t the Enemy)

Here’s the thing: Time is not your enemy. The passing of it doesn’t mean you’re failing. The end of summer doesn’t mean you’ve lost your shot at joy, freedom, or peace.

The part of you that’s panicking? She doesn’t need a productivity app.
She needs compassion.

She’s trying to protect you—from regret, from shame, from the pain of feeling like you’re falling behind in a life that looks “fine” on the outside but doesn’t always feel satisfying on the inside.

What if instead of criticizing her, you listened?

What if you gently asked:

• What was I craving this summer that I didn’t get?

• What do I wish I could still have?

• What would feel nourishing now, not just when the timing is perfect?

This is how we start to rebuild from the inside out.

This is how we start to grow into something real—not just performative “living our best lives.”

You Can Start Now (You Don’t Need a Perfect Moment)

Here’s a truth I want you to hear loud and clear:

You don’t need a new season, a new month, or a new planner to start shifting how you live.

You can begin right fucking now—with gentleness.

You can look back on the summer and grieve the parts that didn’t happen.
You can notice where anxiety hijacked your joy.
You can admit that your inner perfectionist made you feel like you weren’t doing enough—even when you were doing everything.

And you can decide that moving forward, you’re not going to measure time by how productive you were. You’re going to measure it by how connected you felt—to yourself, to the moment, to what actually matters to you (not your boss, your feed, or your mom).

You Don’t Need to Earn Peace

That’s the real reframe: You don’t need to earn rest or joy or stillness.

You don’t need to hustle to deserve healing.

You don’t need to fill every moment with something impressive.

You are allowed to just exist in your life, not constantly build or achieve or strive.

Maybe the lesson of summer slipping away isn’t that you didn’t do enough.
Maybe it’s that you were never meant to grind through your life in the first place.

So, What Now?

If this post makes you want to cry and scream and maybe lie down on the floor—good. That means it’s hitting something. That ache that says, “I want something more than this constant pressure”? That’s where your healing starts.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Every week I work with anxious, childfree women who’ve been high-functioning for way too long and are finally ready to unravel what’s underneath the “I’m fine.” Using grounded, trauma-informed tools, we dig deep—not just to feel better, but to feel real.

So when your brain tells you time is slipping away?
When it panics that summer is over and you missed it?

You’ll know how to come back to yourself instead of spiraling.
You’ll know how to anchor in your body instead of racing in your head.
You’ll know how to grieve, reflect, and rebuild—not shame yourself into change.

Because seasons will always pass.
But you? You don’t have to.

You get to grow.

Want support that goes deeper than coping skills?
Book a free consultation. You’ve done the holding-it-all-together thing.
Now it’s your fucking turn to rebuild and grow.

Rest Is Not a Fucking Luxury: How to Stop Overfunctioning

If you’re reading this with clenched jaws and shoulders practically touching your ears, let me say one thing right now:

Rest isn’t a luxury. It’s a goddamn necessity.

But if you’re like most high-achieving, childfree women I work with, rest feels more like an impossible prize you have to earn.

Why the hell is resting so damn hard?

You’ve been wired to believe:

• If you slow down, you’ll fall behind

• Taking breaks means you’re lazy or weak

• Hustling harder is the only way to prove your worth

This bullshit mindset keeps you stuck in overfunctioning mode — the endless cycle of pushing, doing, and never truly stopping.

What overfunctioning looks like

• Saying yes to every request because “I can handle it”

• Running on caffeine and adrenaline to mask exhaustion

• Perfectionism that paralyzes you from asking for help

• Feeling guilty AF whenever you try to slow down

How to start giving yourself permission to rest

1. Redefine rest: It’s not a reward; it’s a basic need. Imagine your body and brain as a battery that needs recharging—not just a tank to be drained.

2. Start small: Five minutes of deep breathing or a walk without your phone is a revolutionary act for your nervous system.

3. Set micro-boundaries: Say no to one small thing a day and notice how it feels. Hint: it’s not as terrifying as you think.

4. Notice your inner critic: That voice telling you rest is lazy? Let’s get to know that inner critic a little bit better. What is their motivation for telling you rest is lazy (are they protecting you from something?)? If they could have a different role and not be your inner critic, what other jobs would they like to have? What would they need to know from you to let go of their job as inner critic?

Reflective questions

• What would happen if I prioritized rest like I do work?

• When was the last time I rested without guilt?

• What small step can I take today to give myself permission to slow the fuck down?

You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re just out of sync with your needs—and that’s fixable.

I help women like you break the cycle of overfunctioning and reclaim rest as a radical act of self-care. Our bookclub read Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey & I’d highly recommend it!!

Ready to stop hustling and start healing?

Childfree and Thriving (But Lonely Sometimes): The Honest Truth

You’ve made your choice—no kids, no apologies. And it feels really fucking good.

You love the freedom. The late mornings. The spontaneous trips. The ability to invest fully in your career and yourself.

And damn, you’re thriving.

But here’s the truth nobody tells you: sometimes, it’s lonely as fuck.

The unspoken loneliness

While your friends are knee-deep in diapers, school runs, and PTA drama, you’re navigating a world that still sees your choice as weird, selfish, or just incomplete.

You might:

• Hear the endless “But what about when you change your mind?”

• Feel left out of the “parent club” events and conversations

• Experience moments where you wonder if you’re the only one who doesn’t quite fit

You’re not alone in this—more & more women are choosing this path than ever before, but society hasn’t quite caught up. When you’re in your 30’s or 40’s the question, “do you have kids?” is more common than, “what do you do for work?”- an immediate reminder that there’s a club that you’re not a part of.

How to hold both the joy and the ache

It’s okay to love your life and also feel a little untethered sometimes.

Here’s how to navigate it:

1. Find your tribe: Seek out other childfree women or communities that celebrate your choices. Online groups, local meetups, or creative circles can feel like home.

2. Redefine legacy: Your impact isn’t limited to parenting. Think about the relationships you nurture, the work you do, and the values you leave behind.

3. Allow your feelings: There’s no need to pretend you’re 100% okay all the time. Grief, joy, freedom—they can all coexist.

Reflective questions

• What does community look like for me beyond traditional family?

• How can I honor my feelings without judgment?

• What values do I want to grow and nurture in my life?

You’re sovereign. Your path is yours alone—and that’s a fucking beautiful thing.

I support women in rebuilding a sense of belonging that fits who you truly are.

Ready to reclaim your space?

You’ve Built a Beautiful Life. So Why Are You Still Anxious as Fuck?

You’ve done everything right.
You’re successful. Independent. You built a life you’re proud of—including saying no to the traditional “marriage + babies” script.

So why the fuck do you still feel restless?
Why is your brain running a never-ending to-do list even at 2AM?
Why does calm feel like something other people get to have?

Here’s the thing: high-functioning anxiety is sneaky as hell.

🖤 What High-Functioning Anxiety Looks Like (In Real Life)

• Overthinking every. damn. thing. (texts, emails, random convos from 2012)

• Saying yes when you’re already stretched thin

• Smiling while silently calculating how much longer you can keep holding it all together

• Lying awake at night rehearsing tomorrow’s battles in your head

You look fine on the outside—maybe even “inspiring.” But inside? You’re fucking exhausted.

🌱 Why “More Success” Won’t Fix It

Your brain thinks calm comes after the next promotion, the next project, the next to-do list, the next “I’ll just push through” phase.

But calm isn’t at the top of the ladder.
It comes when you stop climbing like your worth depends on it.

✨ What You Can Do Right Now

💡 Start small. Ask: What would resting without guilt look like today?
💡 Practice saying no—even to “good” opportunities.
💡 Remember: You’re not broken. You’re burned out. And there’s a difference.

💬 Reflective Prompt

What would my life look like if I stopped trying to prove myself?

And the truth is, it’s just not easy, folks. I am a to-do list every.single.day type of person… so I know. Taking a break, a day off, deeply resting, not checking off boxes- is really fucking hard. And I don’t have any quick solutions to it. But I think it’s important to recognize how hard it can be, and to be curious about that. With no pressure of making changes, just starting to think about what things might be like doing a little bit less.

📞 Call to Action

If you want some help untangling the patterns keeping you in overdrive and want to rebuild a life that feels aligned as fuck, let’s talk!

Self-Care Tips to Make it Through the Winter

Welp, it’s #groundhogday and the furball has predicted we will be getting 6 more weeks of winter. What better time to start brainstorming (and reminding ourselves) of some go-to tips for self-care this cold, dark season.

Winter can be a challenging time for many people, with shorter days, colder weather, and the pressure of holiday festivities (at least we’re on the other end of most holiday stressors, thank goodness).

Here are some of my go-to self-care tips to help you get through the winter season:

1. Get enough sleep: Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule can help to boost mood and energy levels during the winter months. Plus there’s nothing better than going to bed early and getting cozy on a cold night.

2. Exercise regularly: Regular exercise can help to improve mood and boost energy levels, and can be especially beneficial during the shorter days of winter. You might have to get creative with your exercise of choice to do inside on particularly brutal, cold days.

3. Spend time in nature: Spending time outdoors, even for just a few minutes, can help to improve mood and boost energy levels. On a SUNNY, bluebird winter day this is key!!!

4. Stay connected with others: Social support is important all year round, but it can be especially important during the winter months when it can be easy to feel isolated. Call a friend or set up a game night (in person, or virtual).

5. Take care of your physical health: Eating a balanced diet, staying hydrated, and avoiding alcohol and caffeine can help to improve mood and energy levels. For those coming off from #dryjanuary, how are you feeling? Even if you have zero interest in cutting back caffeine or alcohol, you can still set a goal to drink more water :)

6. Practice self-care: Make time for self-care activities that bring you joy and help you relax, such as taking a bath, reading, or practicing mindfulness. 5 minutes a day can make a big difference!

7. Think of (or plan ahead) for something exciting in the early spring! This could be something big like a trip or vacation, or something small- like taking a walk or getting an ice cream cone on the first warm, warm day of spring! I love to start planning my garden in the winter, imagining all my seedlings and blooms that will be here in April/May!

8. Find a way to enjoy the winter! If you have the opportunity to engage in winter sports (ice skating, snow shoeing, skiing, etc), take advantage when you can! Maybe even be open to learning something new or improving a long-lost skill, haha. I’m terrible at ice skating, but always have a great time trying.

9. Seek professional help: If you're struggling with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) or other mood-related issues, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional. As always, you can reach out to me to connect or if you have any questions.

Remember, it's important to be kind to yourself and to prioritize self-care during the winter months. By focusing on your well-being and taking care of your mental and physical health, you can help to get through the winter season feeling your best.

It’s February and we are truly on the home stretch! Stay warm, get some sunshine when you can, and cozy-up with a good book, movie, or furball to cuddle with :)

Anxiety- friend or frenemy?

This video just crossed my path and it is absolutely AMAZING! I have been known to encourage people to name their anxiety- i.e. “Hi Gloria, I have no time for you today” sort of naming, but this takes takes it to a whole new level.

You can read along with Jae Nichelle here.

Let me know your thoughts or, as always, feel free to reach out if you want to take some new steps to KNOCK OUT your own anxiety.