Perimenopause & Anxiety: Why You Feel Like You’re Losing Your Shit

So you’re standing in the kitchen beating yourself up because the spinach went bad. Again.
You swore you bought it two days ago, and now it’s a pile of slimy sadness.
And the part that’s really messing with you?
This spinach thing feels like a crisis—and you can’t logic your way out of it.

Welcome to perimenopause, where your anxiety gets louder, your fuse gets shorter, and your brain feels like it’s glitching in ways that make you question everything.

You're not crazy. You're not broken. You're not weak.
You're in a chapter no one warned you about—and it’s affecting your nervous system hard.

Let’s break it down.

This Isn’t the Menopause You Were Taught to Expect

You probably thought menopause was just a thing that happened later—a quiet ending to periods sometime around 50. Maybe a hot flash or two, maybe not. End of story.

But perimenopause is the shitshow before the show.
It can start in your late 30s or early 40s, and it’s sneaky. You might still be getting your period (sort of), but everything else starts to go sideways. And anxiety? It often skyrockets.

From my research on the interwebs, here’s why:

• Your hormones are fluctuating constantly—especially estrogen and progesterone, which directly impact your brain’s ability to regulate mood and stress.

• Sleep goes to hell—and that alone can crank up anxiety.

• Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, especially if you’ve had trauma or high-functioning anxiety to begin with.

So if you were already a little tightly wound (because, let’s be real, most high-functioning anxious women are), perimenopause is like someone turning the volume up to 11… and then smashing the knob off.

Why Does It Feel Like I’m Losing Control?

Because in some ways, you are—at least temporarily.

Your brain chemistry is shifting. Your body is doing shit you can’t predict. You’re still trying to work, manage your calendar, show up for friends, pay bills, act like everything’s fine... and now you’ve got random tears, hot flashes, rage outbursts, and anxiety spirals that make zero sense.

This is particularly hard if you’re childfree by choice. Because let’s be honest: society tends to frame this entire hormonal chapter as being about motherhood or fertility loss.

But what if you never wanted kids?
What if you built a life around independence, autonomy, and freedom?

Then this whole perimenopause thing doesn’t just feel like your body changing.
It can feel like your identity shaking.

It’s Not Just Hormonal—It’s Existential

Here’s the part that often gets missed:

Perimenopause isn’t just about your ovaries slowing down. It’s a deep identity shift, too.

For many childfree women, this is the first time the culture really treats you like you're “aging out” of womanhood—like you’re invisible, irrelevant, or “less than” because you didn’t follow the mom track.

You might be asking:

• Is this all there is?

• Why do I feel so restless?

• What do I actually want next?

This can bring up old grief, unresolved trauma, and buried anxiety. And it makes sense that your nervous system is sounding every alarm it has. It’s not just a chemical shift—it’s a life shift.

How Anxiety Shows Up Differently Now

You might be used to your particular flavor of anxiety. Maybe you overwork, overthink, overgive, stay “on” all the time to feel safe. Maybe you manage it with lists, control, and pushing through.

But now? That system’s failing.
Your body is saying: no more.

Here’s what perimenopause anxiety can look like:

• Waking up at 3 AM with dread and spiraling thoughts

• Crying over things you’d normally brush off

• Overwhelm that hits fast and feels physical

• Rage outbursts that scare even you

• Feeling like you're crawling out of your skin in social situations

• Losing words mid-sentence and panicking about it

• Obsessive worry about time slipping away

None of this means you’re broken.
It means your system is trying to adapt—and sending out every warning flare it has.

SO, What the Fuck can You Do About It?

Let’s start here: you don’t need to “calm down” or “get over it.”
You need to rebuild your foundation—physically, emotionally, mentally.

That starts with:

1. Getting clear on what’s happening.
   Understand that hormones do impact mood. You’re not imagining this. You’re not making it up. And you're not a failure for not handling it perfectly.

2. Listening to your body instead of pushing through.
   I know this goes against every high-functioning instinct you have, but your body isn’t betraying you—it’s begging you to pay attention.

3. Letting the mask fall a little.
   You don’t have to pretend everything’s fine. You don’t have to keep being the “together one” for everyone else.

4. Working with a therapist who gets it.
   This is where therapy can be life-changing—not the surface-level stuff, but real, rooted healing. The kind that helps you reprocess old shit, meet your anxious parts with compassion, and build something new from the ground up.

You’re Not Starting Over. You’re Rebuilding Forward.

This isn’t the end of your power.
This is where you reclaim it.

You don’t have to keep carrying everything. You don’t have to keep pretending.
You don’t need to just survive this chapter—you get to grow through it.

Yes, it’s messy. Yes, it’s weird. Yes, it’s disorienting as hell.

But it’s also your chance to pause, burn down what’s not working, and rebuild a life that actually supports you.

You’re not losing your shit.
You’re waking up.

And if you want support navigating that wake-up call, that’s exactly what I’m here for.

Ready to stop holding it all together alone?
Let’s rebuild what burnout, patriarchy, and anxiety tried to destroy.
Let’s grow something better. For real this time.

When Summer Slips Through Your Fingers (and You Feel Like Time Is Running Out)

Every new month or season change I definitely get a tinge of anxiety… time is moving too fast.

Let’s be honest—summer’s ending, and we not okay about it.

Maybe you didn’t travel as much as you planned. Maybe you were supposed to “slow down and savor it,” but you blinked and suddenly it’s almost the end of August and your Google calendar is screaming about September meetings and fall chaos, and OMG holiday season…

You catch yourself spiraling:
Another season gone.

Another year flying by.

What am I even doing with my life?

If that’s you? Take a breath. You’re not the only one caught in this weird panic spiral about time moving too fucking fast. I’m there with you, for sure.

Let’s talk about it. Because behind the “I just wish I had more time” narrative is something deeper—and if you’re a high-functioning, anxious, independent woman, you’ve probably been taught to ignore it.

The Anxiety Isn’t Really About Summer

Sure, the sun’s setting a little earlier. Sure, the breezy joy of rooftop drinks and beach weekends are winding down. But if you’re feeling a full-on emotional tidal wave as August ends, the grief is about more than summer.

It’s about time.

It’s about control.

It’s about expectations.

And it’s about the relentless pressure you put on yourself to use every moment wisely, to optimize every second, to not “waste” your one wild and precious life. (Thanks, Mary Oliver, for the existential dread.) Or Oliver Burkeman for reminding us how many weeks we have left in this life (4000 weeks is a very good book, we read in bookclub last year!)

If you’re childfree by choice, this pressure can hit even harder. (and heck, if you’re thinking about trying to have a baby or are just generally a woman in your 30s or 40s… this all still applies!!) Society constantly tells you you’re supposed to fill your time with something “productive” or “purposeful.” You’re not just living—you’re expected to be crushing it. Traveling. Thriving. Growing. Healing. Being an icon of the empowered woman who has her shit together.

So when summer ends and you don’t feel transformed?
When you feel like time slipped through your fingers?
Cue the inner critic.

“What did you even do this summer?”
“You didn’t do enough.”
“You wasted it. Again.”

No wonder you feel anxious. That voice is brutal.

You’re Not Wasting Time—You’re Exhausted from Holding It All

If you feel like the weeks flew by and you didn’t make the most of them, it doesn’t mean you’re lazy or failing. It might mean you were busy surviving. Managing your job. Managing your body. Managing your emotions. Managing other people’s needs.

And doing all of that while trying to appear calm, competent, and “fun,” because god forbid someone thinks you’re not chill.

That kind of invisible labor is fucking exhausting.

Of course it doesn’t feel like enough.

Of course you’re grieving time passing.

You weren’t doing nothing—you were carrying everything.

Let’s Reframe Time (Because Time Isn’t the Enemy)

Here’s the thing: Time is not your enemy. The passing of it doesn’t mean you’re failing. The end of summer doesn’t mean you’ve lost your shot at joy, freedom, or peace.

The part of you that’s panicking? She doesn’t need a productivity app.
She needs compassion.

She’s trying to protect you—from regret, from shame, from the pain of feeling like you’re falling behind in a life that looks “fine” on the outside but doesn’t always feel satisfying on the inside.

What if instead of criticizing her, you listened?

What if you gently asked:

• What was I craving this summer that I didn’t get?

• What do I wish I could still have?

• What would feel nourishing now, not just when the timing is perfect?

This is how we start to rebuild from the inside out.

This is how we start to grow into something real—not just performative “living our best lives.”

You Can Start Now (You Don’t Need a Perfect Moment)

Here’s a truth I want you to hear loud and clear:

You don’t need a new season, a new month, or a new planner to start shifting how you live.

You can begin right fucking now—with gentleness.

You can look back on the summer and grieve the parts that didn’t happen.
You can notice where anxiety hijacked your joy.
You can admit that your inner perfectionist made you feel like you weren’t doing enough—even when you were doing everything.

And you can decide that moving forward, you’re not going to measure time by how productive you were. You’re going to measure it by how connected you felt—to yourself, to the moment, to what actually matters to you (not your boss, your feed, or your mom).

You Don’t Need to Earn Peace

That’s the real reframe: You don’t need to earn rest or joy or stillness.

You don’t need to hustle to deserve healing.

You don’t need to fill every moment with something impressive.

You are allowed to just exist in your life, not constantly build or achieve or strive.

Maybe the lesson of summer slipping away isn’t that you didn’t do enough.
Maybe it’s that you were never meant to grind through your life in the first place.

So, What Now?

If this post makes you want to cry and scream and maybe lie down on the floor—good. That means it’s hitting something. That ache that says, “I want something more than this constant pressure”? That’s where your healing starts.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Every week I work with anxious, childfree women who’ve been high-functioning for way too long and are finally ready to unravel what’s underneath the “I’m fine.” Using grounded, trauma-informed tools, we dig deep—not just to feel better, but to feel real.

So when your brain tells you time is slipping away?
When it panics that summer is over and you missed it?

You’ll know how to come back to yourself instead of spiraling.
You’ll know how to anchor in your body instead of racing in your head.
You’ll know how to grieve, reflect, and rebuild—not shame yourself into change.

Because seasons will always pass.
But you? You don’t have to.

You get to grow.

Want support that goes deeper than coping skills?
Book a free consultation. You’ve done the holding-it-all-together thing.
Now it’s your fucking turn to rebuild and grow.

Rest Is Not a Fucking Luxury: How to Stop Overfunctioning

If you’re reading this with clenched jaws and shoulders practically touching your ears, let me say one thing right now:

Rest isn’t a luxury. It’s a goddamn necessity.

But if you’re like most high-achieving, childfree women I work with, rest feels more like an impossible prize you have to earn.

Why the hell is resting so damn hard?

You’ve been wired to believe:

• If you slow down, you’ll fall behind

• Taking breaks means you’re lazy or weak

• Hustling harder is the only way to prove your worth

This bullshit mindset keeps you stuck in overfunctioning mode — the endless cycle of pushing, doing, and never truly stopping.

What overfunctioning looks like

• Saying yes to every request because “I can handle it”

• Running on caffeine and adrenaline to mask exhaustion

• Perfectionism that paralyzes you from asking for help

• Feeling guilty AF whenever you try to slow down

How to start giving yourself permission to rest

1. Redefine rest: It’s not a reward; it’s a basic need. Imagine your body and brain as a battery that needs recharging—not just a tank to be drained.

2. Start small: Five minutes of deep breathing or a walk without your phone is a revolutionary act for your nervous system.

3. Set micro-boundaries: Say no to one small thing a day and notice how it feels. Hint: it’s not as terrifying as you think.

4. Notice your inner critic: That voice telling you rest is lazy? Let’s get to know that inner critic a little bit better. What is their motivation for telling you rest is lazy (are they protecting you from something?)? If they could have a different role and not be your inner critic, what other jobs would they like to have? What would they need to know from you to let go of their job as inner critic?

Reflective questions

• What would happen if I prioritized rest like I do work?

• When was the last time I rested without guilt?

• What small step can I take today to give myself permission to slow the fuck down?

You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re just out of sync with your needs—and that’s fixable.

I help women like you break the cycle of overfunctioning and reclaim rest as a radical act of self-care. Our bookclub read Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey & I’d highly recommend it!!

Ready to stop hustling and start healing?

Childfree and Thriving (But Lonely Sometimes): The Honest Truth

You’ve made your choice—no kids, no apologies. And it feels really fucking good.

You love the freedom. The late mornings. The spontaneous trips. The ability to invest fully in your career and yourself.

And damn, you’re thriving.

But here’s the truth nobody tells you: sometimes, it’s lonely as fuck.

The unspoken loneliness

While your friends are knee-deep in diapers, school runs, and PTA drama, you’re navigating a world that still sees your choice as weird, selfish, or just incomplete.

You might:

• Hear the endless “But what about when you change your mind?”

• Feel left out of the “parent club” events and conversations

• Experience moments where you wonder if you’re the only one who doesn’t quite fit

You’re not alone in this—more & more women are choosing this path than ever before, but society hasn’t quite caught up. When you’re in your 30’s or 40’s the question, “do you have kids?” is more common than, “what do you do for work?”- an immediate reminder that there’s a club that you’re not a part of.

How to hold both the joy and the ache

It’s okay to love your life and also feel a little untethered sometimes.

Here’s how to navigate it:

1. Find your tribe: Seek out other childfree women or communities that celebrate your choices. Online groups, local meetups, or creative circles can feel like home.

2. Redefine legacy: Your impact isn’t limited to parenting. Think about the relationships you nurture, the work you do, and the values you leave behind.

3. Allow your feelings: There’s no need to pretend you’re 100% okay all the time. Grief, joy, freedom—they can all coexist.

Reflective questions

• What does community look like for me beyond traditional family?

• How can I honor my feelings without judgment?

• What values do I want to grow and nurture in my life?

You’re sovereign. Your path is yours alone—and that’s a fucking beautiful thing.

I support women in rebuilding a sense of belonging that fits who you truly are.

Ready to reclaim your space?

You’ve Built a Beautiful Life. So Why Are You Still Anxious as Fuck?

You’ve done everything right.
You’re successful. Independent. You built a life you’re proud of—including saying no to the traditional “marriage + babies” script.

So why the fuck do you still feel restless?
Why is your brain running a never-ending to-do list even at 2AM?
Why does calm feel like something other people get to have?

Here’s the thing: high-functioning anxiety is sneaky as hell.

🖤 What High-Functioning Anxiety Looks Like (In Real Life)

• Overthinking every. damn. thing. (texts, emails, random convos from 2012)

• Saying yes when you’re already stretched thin

• Smiling while silently calculating how much longer you can keep holding it all together

• Lying awake at night rehearsing tomorrow’s battles in your head

You look fine on the outside—maybe even “inspiring.” But inside? You’re fucking exhausted.

🌱 Why “More Success” Won’t Fix It

Your brain thinks calm comes after the next promotion, the next project, the next to-do list, the next “I’ll just push through” phase.

But calm isn’t at the top of the ladder.
It comes when you stop climbing like your worth depends on it.

✨ What You Can Do Right Now

💡 Start small. Ask: What would resting without guilt look like today?
💡 Practice saying no—even to “good” opportunities.
💡 Remember: You’re not broken. You’re burned out. And there’s a difference.

💬 Reflective Prompt

What would my life look like if I stopped trying to prove myself?

And the truth is, it’s just not easy, folks. I am a to-do list every.single.day type of person… so I know. Taking a break, a day off, deeply resting, not checking off boxes- is really fucking hard. And I don’t have any quick solutions to it. But I think it’s important to recognize how hard it can be, and to be curious about that. With no pressure of making changes, just starting to think about what things might be like doing a little bit less.

📞 Call to Action

If you want some help untangling the patterns keeping you in overdrive and want to rebuild a life that feels aligned as fuck, let’s talk!

Check out this article: Top 5 Tips for Healthy Living & Longevity

I had the pleasure of talking to the lovely journalist/writer Jaime Stathis in December and am excited to share her article! I’m quoted a few times in the last section:

“Control the Controllables

Much of life is out of our control, and genetics may factor in your longevity, but controlling your mindset is one way of working with what you have. Two recent studies show that optimism is linked to longevity and well-being, and Katie Peterson, LCSW, a Hudson Valley-based therapist who sees clients virtually, says there are easy-to-implement ways to increase optimism. Instead of getting overwhelmed by a long list of goals, Peterson suggests asking: "What do I want to feel like?"

Do you want to learn something new? Do you want to engage more with your community? Do you want to implement new eating or movement plans? "The word 'should' does nothing good for our mental health," Peterson says, "But asking ourselves how we want to spend our time and who we want to spend time with is a great way to move in the direction of feeling good."

"Many people struggle post-pandemic with what they even want to do," Peterson says, "But learning new things is a great way to increase presence, and getting out and trying a new hobby is also a great way to engage with others who are also learning something."“

READ THE FULL ARTICLE HERE.

spring is here!

As we are at the 3 year mark since Covid changed all of our lives, I’ve recently been finding myself going back to view my archived Instagram photos from March & April 2020. It’s a bit of a weird time-traveling experiment… there was lots of sourdough bread making and lots of time outdoors. I was lucky enough to be living in the Catskills for this timeframe, and spent a lot of time outside. I’m reminded of how the emergence of spring that year felt so truly healing. The world had slowed down (stopped?) and I would walk my dog each day, noticing the tiny changes in the environment around me. When everything else felt stuck or completely out of my control… the buds slowly (and predictably) opened up on the trees and bushes, the flowers pushed up out of the ground, and the days got longer.

I have witnessed firsthand the powerful impact that the changing seasons can have on our mental health and wellbeing. And as we transition this year from winter to spring, I think it's an especially important time to reflect on the concept of new beginnings.

Spring is a time of renewal and growth, as the earth awakens from its winter slumber and begins to bloom once again. For many of us, this season represents a fresh start, a chance to shed the old and embrace the new. And while the idea of new beginnings can be exciting, it can also be daunting, especially if we are dealing with challenges, stresses or struggles in our lives (and who isn’t).

One way to approach the idea of new beginnings is to embrace the concept of growth mindset. This means acknowledging that change is inevitable and that we have the power to shape our own lives. By focusing on our strengths and our ability to learn and adapt, we can approach new challenges with a sense of resilience and optimism.

What do you want to focus on and grow in your garden this year?

And I’m not just talking about the garden you might be planting outside, but also the theoretical garden of your life.

Of course, new beginnings can also be accompanied by feelings of fear and uncertainty. It's natural to feel nervous about stepping into the unknown or trying something new. As a therapist, I often remind my clients that growth and change require courage and vulnerability. But with the right support and mindset, we can navigate these challenges and emerge stronger on the other side.

So as we welcome the arrival of spring and the promise of new beginnings, I encourage you to embrace the season of growth and renewal. Take time to reflect on what you want to let go of and what you want to cultivate in your life- and your garden. And remember that change is not always easy, but it is always possible.

Self-Care Tips to Make it Through the Winter

Welp, it’s #groundhogday and the furball has predicted we will be getting 6 more weeks of winter. What better time to start brainstorming (and reminding ourselves) of some go-to tips for self-care this cold, dark season.

Winter can be a challenging time for many people, with shorter days, colder weather, and the pressure of holiday festivities (at least we’re on the other end of most holiday stressors, thank goodness).

Here are some of my go-to self-care tips to help you get through the winter season:

1. Get enough sleep: Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule can help to boost mood and energy levels during the winter months. Plus there’s nothing better than going to bed early and getting cozy on a cold night.

2. Exercise regularly: Regular exercise can help to improve mood and boost energy levels, and can be especially beneficial during the shorter days of winter. You might have to get creative with your exercise of choice to do inside on particularly brutal, cold days.

3. Spend time in nature: Spending time outdoors, even for just a few minutes, can help to improve mood and boost energy levels. On a SUNNY, bluebird winter day this is key!!!

4. Stay connected with others: Social support is important all year round, but it can be especially important during the winter months when it can be easy to feel isolated. Call a friend or set up a game night (in person, or virtual).

5. Take care of your physical health: Eating a balanced diet, staying hydrated, and avoiding alcohol and caffeine can help to improve mood and energy levels. For those coming off from #dryjanuary, how are you feeling? Even if you have zero interest in cutting back caffeine or alcohol, you can still set a goal to drink more water :)

6. Practice self-care: Make time for self-care activities that bring you joy and help you relax, such as taking a bath, reading, or practicing mindfulness. 5 minutes a day can make a big difference!

7. Think of (or plan ahead) for something exciting in the early spring! This could be something big like a trip or vacation, or something small- like taking a walk or getting an ice cream cone on the first warm, warm day of spring! I love to start planning my garden in the winter, imagining all my seedlings and blooms that will be here in April/May!

8. Find a way to enjoy the winter! If you have the opportunity to engage in winter sports (ice skating, snow shoeing, skiing, etc), take advantage when you can! Maybe even be open to learning something new or improving a long-lost skill, haha. I’m terrible at ice skating, but always have a great time trying.

9. Seek professional help: If you're struggling with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) or other mood-related issues, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional. As always, you can reach out to me to connect or if you have any questions.

Remember, it's important to be kind to yourself and to prioritize self-care during the winter months. By focusing on your well-being and taking care of your mental and physical health, you can help to get through the winter season feeling your best.

It’s February and we are truly on the home stretch! Stay warm, get some sunshine when you can, and cozy-up with a good book, movie, or furball to cuddle with :)

Time.

It really always blows my mind.

Happy November, y’all! Every changing of the calendar month, I feel like a broken record- and really truly feel in complete shock that somehow another month has passed. Every.Damn.Month.

It’s not just the passing of time, but also the way time feels oh-so strange since Covid started. Everything is slow, or fast, or both. What’s a weekday vs a weekend when you work from home? With kids out of school, or schooling from home- how does the school year vs school vacation feel? Everything is blurry, and different- and we are all adjusting. And once we have adjusted, things change again.

Sometimes with trauma and traumatic things (and I say ‘sometimes’, because everyone is different and responds differently- so if this isn’t true for you, don’t worry about it), but sometimes it’s like time doesn’t exist at all.

Hear me out. I am a generally anxious person, and time is very much always in my awareness. The passing of it or the lack of it, etc. This isn’t true for everyone, but is definitely true for me.

But after a sudden trauma or change that anxiety and connection to time can disappear. Completely.

There is no time. There is survival, getting one foot in front of the other, trying to stay on top of all those things you think you should or think you need to do. Trudging & stuck. Some feel like time is moving slowly during this period, while it can also be felt as speeding up and passing “in the blink of an eye”. All I know is that it’s different for everyone, very weird, and feels really fucked up. (that’s my very scientific understanding, at least).

Is there anything you can do to help?

Certainly. There are lots of things that can help (I’ll list some ideas below), but I also want you to just know that there’s another side. That you wont be in that trudging/stuck place that time disappeared from forever.

So now it’s November. Time keeps moving and the seasons are changing. Even if we get stuck and move in slow motion for a bit, time just keeps on keeping on. There are some pros to this, but also some cons. I’d recommend thinking about your own relationship with time and how you feel when the calendar changes to a new month. If it makes you feel energized, use that energy in a positive way. If it stresses you out, have some compassion for yourself.

If you are trudging and feeling stuck, know that you made it another day closer to the other side.

TIME GETTING YOU DOWN or FREAKING YOU OUT?

TRY THIS:

~ Mindful Anything- could be breathing, eating, movement (walking, yoga, stretching). You don’t even have to do it for long, but to just take that moment to get out of your head and into the PRESENT MOMENT. Who cares what day it is, what month, what is time anyway. Just breathe (or insert your own mindful thing), and spend a couple moments just doing that and nothing else.

~ Write a letter to your future self- you pick the duration… could be a quick note to your next week self or even your tomorrow self. Or could be a proper letter for a year from now, or 6 months out. Share with your future self how you are feeling in this moment, and recognize that your future self will, inherently, feel differently. What do you want your future self to remember about today’s you. How strong she is? How crappy he’s feeling? Let them know.

~ Do something new- I mentioned this on last week’s blog/email (around dealing with rainy day blues), but I think it works here too. And for this one, I would set a timer (see TIME, we can have some control over you too! [insert evil laugh]). For 10 minutes (or however long works for you & your day) do said “new thing”. It will help get you out of your head and in the moment.

~Puzzles- I fucking love puzzles. I don’t think I could count the number of hours I spent working on puzzles after my fire. So many. It brings you into the moment in a safe and consistent way, getting you out of your head- and giving you something tangible to make progress on. Real, literal progress you can see. Even on good days, it can feel so completely fulfilling to match that perfect piece in the perfect spot.

New Fee Structure. It matters.

I wanted to re-open my blog to tell you of my updated fee structure. But it’s also the universe saying it probably is time to get back to this blog, to make space for writing and processing the world. Or at least processing my world, and hopefully helping more people process theirs.

Charging fees for mental health work is the bane of most therapists’ existence. There are books, endless podcasts, blogs, training programs and discussions about it. It’s not really something that is ever discussed in your graduate education and training, so a lot of us start out by just copying others. Without thinking about what it means, how you feel about it (as a therapist or a client), and ways to use it for good. I have spent a fair amount of time in those aforementioned podcasts and discussions about fees, money, worth, shame… and feel really good about my new few structure. I have always had sliding scale slots, as many therapists do, as our default way of “giving back” and remembering the roots of social justice in social work. But, as my relationship to money has changed and as I have worked on my own “money stuff”- I am at a place in my life where I want to be clear and intentional about the ways I spend money and the ways I earn money. The word I have long held as my ultimate money life goal is “ease”. And while I’m not completely there yet, I think having a clear and intentional fee structure for my business is a good step in that direction.

It can be hard to value your own worth, and state that clearly to others. It gets especially complicated around something as nebulous as mental health & wellness. Additionally, when you care about the world and humans (as I happen to do), it is hard to set prices in a way that also encompass your values. I have tried to make a sliding scale I truly feel good about- that values my worth, values the worth of YOUR mental wellbeing and care, and makes mental health more accessible and equitable for everyone. I think I have found it, and as tomorrow is September 1st, it will go into effect immediately.

Telehealth Individual Psychotherapy Session Fees (45 min):

• $60- I keep 5 low sliding scale spots available for the Open Path Collective and emergency/special circumstances. If these spots are full, please reach out to be added to my sliding scale waiting list.

• $75-175- Students, Artists, Helping Professionals (social workers, nurses, doctors, teachers, etc.), Trans & Non-binary, Queer, BIPOC or AAPI identified folx

• $225- Standard Fee

• $250-300- Pay It Forward (if you have the privilege to pay a higher fee, let’s talk… it will help make lower fees available to those who need it. You can adjust as needed, and if you have out of network reimbursement, you’ll get money back!)

Let me know what you think.

A NEW DECADE! 2020! free 10 DAY KICKSTART!

I have always liked a fresh start and goal setting~ whether it is the new year, or a birthday… I like taking time to reflect on the previous year, and think forward to set intentions for the year ahead. Sometimes I’ve made lists and then didn’t look at them- like ever. Years later, I’ve discovered that I somehow have achieved almost everything on the list. I think intentions can have secret magic powers (maybe). Speaking into the universe (or even just to yourself) your hopes and desires, and taking risks to make changes.

However, I know that New Years resolutions and goals are not everyone’s cup of tea.

I work with many people who have stopped making New Year’s Resolutions altogether, saying “I just don’t believe in them”. (And sometimes I can’t help but agree.) They have been set up in a system that just doesn’t work and a society that seems to push weightloss and diet plans as the only way to start the New Year. 

I think that is all crap. What I don’t think is crap is the desire to make changes in your life and having the support and understanding to do so. I love goals, goal setting, and helping people not just identify things they’d like to be different in their lives, but to actually put those changes into action.

So, for 2020— I will be sending daily emails, for the first 10 days to help YOU start the new decade off on the right foot! Throw your usual “resolutions” out the door… get ready to have more clarity to make realistic changes and ongoing support to make sure your goals are sustainable! Sign up today for the FREE 10 DAY 2020 KICK START PLAN to make 2020 your best year yet!

Last Minute NYC Marathon Tips!

It’s NYC MARATHON WEEK!!! Yahoo!

Here are some last minute tips for avoiding anxiety, kicking ass & having some fun on Sunday!

Before the race:

• Have a full weekend plan. Before heading into the weekend have a plan for all the things! Especially all the non-race essentials. Some items to include for sure: when you are going to the expo, what you’re doing & eating on Saturday, how you’re getting to/from expo, and time to set out all your race gear/essentials. If you’re traveling to NYC for the race and aren’t familiar with the city, this might be extra important to figure out in advance. It will reduce last minute nerves if you know you’ve already figured out all the non-race aspects to running the NYC Marathon. Do whatever you can in advance, so you can focus on the important stuff (RACE DAY!). If you have any questions— shoot me an email. I’m happy to share my thoughts and experiences.

• My favorite Saturday activity for pre-marathoning is going to a matinee on Broadway. This is a great way to be OFF your legs for a few hours, and to take your mind off the race/calm nerves. You can get great last minute tickets on TodayTix app or at TKTS. Once the show lets out, you're set up for a nice early dinner and an early bedtime.

• Plan your spectators. Know where your people will be, so YOU can look for them. They will NOT be able to find you- unless maybe if you're in a full T-rex costume or something equally absurd. Make sure they have the app downloaded to track you and know your estimated pace. Having folks shortly after the 5K markers is always helpful- as they can get an alert when you cross a 5K point and know that you'll be passing them soon. If you are open to taking calls throughout the race (and are using at least one headphone with a mic), let them know to call you but not to text you. You can much more easily pick up a quick call than dealing with reading/responding to a text.

And for race day- aside from all the race basics you'll hear from everyone else (nothing new on race day, eat breakfast, etc):

• The journey to the start line can be quite arduous- sit whenever possible. If you're waiting for your ferry time, sit. If you're cramped in one of the busses from the ferry to the start, sit (I have sat on the floor of this bus... it won't kill you and you will not regret it). You might think, oh I'll only be here for a few minutes, standing is fine. No, you will be there for much MUCH longer than you anticipate, and your legs have bigger and better tasks for the day, let them rest whenever possible.

• Once your corral starts moving towards the start- go to the bathroom one last time. Again, you won't regret it (but there is a much greater chance you will regret NOT doing this). You might be nervous once people start moving (who am I kidding- you WILL be nervous), but you won't miss your spot in your corral.

• One headphone in, one out- this is my go-to for this race. There may be times when you want to hear and feel the energy of the crowd (BROOKLYN, for sure!!), it's true. But there might also be times when you want to zone the fuck out and not hear the drunk people partying on 1st avenue screaming your name obnoxiously. (okay, maybe that's just me).

• Know exactly where your friends/family/spectators will be along the course. You need to spot them, there is little to no way they will be able to find you. Plan this in advance (see above)!

After the race:

• If you are not getting a poncho, whether you have baggage or not- you're supposed to walk to the (much further exit). I have volunteered at the finish line multiple times, and will be there again this year (say HI if you see me). There is a short cut, that often NYPD and volunteers will let you take (after the ponchos exit, but before baggage starts). If you did not check a bag, you might get lucky if you ask to exit early. No guarantees, but it is worth asking if you don't need to pick up a bag. If you get stuck walking to the last exit, don't fret- walking is good for you and will likely make you less sore later on (#winning). Just make sure to eat something from your post race goodie bag.

• Speaking of your post race goodie bag. If this year's is similar to the previous 5 years. There is a delicious (and very necessary) protein drink- that has multiple wrappers that need to be peeled off before consuming. It is literally the hardest to open protein drink I have ever seen. Please ask a volunteer to open it for you- we will.

• Taking the subway or need to get down any other stairs- walk down backwards. It might look silly, but it will feel better. And you won’t be the only one doing it.

General rule for the day: any time you see a photographer (before, during, after the race) snap a photo. Even if you don't think you plan to buy the pictures after. Because if you do end up buying the photos... it's the same (exorbitant) price whether you have 4 pictures taken or 40. So, take 40!!!

Have a kick ass day Sunday! I’ll be at the finish line, and cannot wait to cheer and congratulate all of you.

If you have any questions before Sunday- as always, feel free to reach out- and I’m happy to share my thoughts and experiences, or help calm any nerves before the cannons go off and NEW YORK, NEW YORK plays on the loud speakers!

Brittany Runs a Marathon.... and could she use a therapist?

I’m a therapist who loves working with 20 (and 30)- something new Yorkers working to make changes in their lives.

Basically, Brittany would be a perfect client. I’d love to meet her.

As a therapist and a runner (and having seen the movie already twice in the theater, haha), I’ve had some Therapy For Runners-type reflections.

No big* spoilers… but by the end of the movie, Brittany has figured a lot of shit out. She’s gotten her goals and priorities in line and, at the core of it all, has realized how to trust and rely on others. Oh, and she ran a marathon.

*okay, maybe some general theme spoilers. But the title of the movies says she runs a marathon, so I figure that’s a given.

While watching- and as one of the 50,000 people in the movie shown actually running the 2017 NYC Marathon (and contrary to the news reporter in the movie, the runners did NOT love the rain. smh)… there’s a lot the movie gets right. As a therapist in Brooklyn, there are definitely some parts that are a bit of hollywood magic. I tell my clients (and remind myself, regularly) that there is no easy button. I’ve seen a lot of blow back in various running forums online about the movie not being very realistic in terms of Brittany’s transformation. Going from barely running one block, to running a marathon… in that timeframe, may be a bit of a stretch. But in those scenes, there’s a lot that IS CORRECT. At least for a runner like me (and maybe for a runner, or future-runner, like you). I was never athletic, running did NOT come naturally. Since I’ve been running now for about 7 years, and have done 2 marathons and more halfs than I can count… I had forgotten what getting started was like. But the movie brought it all back. I remember downloading one of the couch to 5k type of apps, leaving my apartment in Bed-Stuy and slowly way walk-running maybe a 4 block radius. It was slow, not fun, scary, terrible and overwhelming and all.the.things! But I did it. And each day I went out there, maybe I went a bit further, or it felt a bit easier… maybe.

Making a big change in your life (whether it’s starting running, or making other changes) is never a direct A-to-Z line. It will be all over the place. Sometimes going forward, but many times going backwards or in ever-frustrating circles. There will be challenges, barriers, successes, distractions, good days, and bad days. Many days when you won’t want to trudge through the hard stuff. A lot of days when it would be easier not to have to do it all alone. That’s where I feel like there could have been a good role in Brittany Runs A Marathon for the support of a therapist. [raises hand, I’ll be your therapist, Brittany].

Brittany was a clear success story in the movie. She gets fit & strong, changes her life, improves friendships and romantic relationships, AND runs a marathon. I’m not saying that I think all of that is impossible, I know for sure that it’s not. I just know that it’s a hell of a lot harder than the movie makes it seem. And I’m gonna keep working to motivate myself to make positive changes in my own life, and keep working with people to help them be more of the self they really want to be.

I’m really excited about the future of Therapy For Runners, and some new ideas that have been percolating. A lot of what’s in the works is a better way to help support more people enact these big, positive changes in their lives. Stay tuned for more information coming soon (before 2020). Feel free to sign up for the newsletter below (I don’t send a lot of emails, don’t worry). As always, feel free to reach out to me anytime.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about above… here’s the Brittany Runs A Marathon movie trailer:

And for fun, here’s a before & after pic from my 2017 marathon day:

A year post marathon training injury....

So, it’s September…. I’m not exactly sure where the summer went, but I am accepting the fact that it’s September in NY, fall is around the corner…. and #winteriscoming.

I’ve been thinking this past week a lot about my previous year. I honestly haven’t given my injury a ton of thought… it comes up when I realize I’m not as fast as I used to be, or when I felt grateful for finishing the Brooklyn Half pain free. But for the most part, it does kind of seem like last September-December has disappeared into a black hole of marathon training injury feelings. Anyone else have a similar experience?

This time last year- I was at the very beginnings of my injury. I remember it first popped up after a Mile High Run Club class where something felt a little off and tight. But no pain intense pain. I just had a weird feeling in my hip. I stretched after what felt like a good class, and went on with my day. I was well into my Chicago Marathon training… just under 5 weeks out from the event. Which would have been my 3rd marathon. I had just nailed what felt like a very solid (and speedy, for me) 17 miler. Things were feeling good.

Until they weren’t. The morning following that MHRC class, I woke up unable to move without extreme pain. The worst pain I’ve probably ever experienced. I had been going to Finish Line Physical Therapy for preventative work throughout my training, so I was quickly able to get in and try to figure out what was happening. It was not clear. Was it my SI joint, a slipped disc, a quad injury (my quad would uncontrollably spasm)…. doctor’s appointments, regular PT, X-rays & an MRI…. and still no clear answers. I remember moments hoping to just be able to put on pants without pain, or to walk without a limp (and pain). It’s amazing how quickly your perspective shifts…. and, when running & healthy, how much you do take for granted. Needless to say, I was not healed and ready by October 7th. And I did not run my 3rd marathon. However, I still carb loaded and fully enjoyed Chicago— cheering on all the other rockstars. By that point, I was generally happy to be able to walk around the city with limited pain. It felt like a win.

So, a year later… as we’re getting ready to be in fall marathon season, I’m reminded on how far I have come. I’m still frustrated by never getting a clear answer or fully understanding what happened. And angry that I’m still paying off the MRI that it didn’t seem that I actually needed (after a frustrating experience with a doctor who did not listen to what I was telling him). But I’m happy and grateful to be fully healed. I didn’t run again until the very end of December. I slowly built up and tried to get into a regular routine again. The Brooklyn Half was successful…. not my fastest by any means, but finishing easily and pain free felt just as good as getting a PR. This summer I ran 2 10k legs in the Catskill 100k relay. I’m not currently training for anything, but I am pondering what might be my next steps. And taking time to enjoy the cooler fall running days.

I’m someone who typically likes plans and lists and getting shit done. So, taking a step back and just letting things be isn’t necessarily my norm. So, here it goes…. we’ll see what happens.

Lower Your Anxiety Now: CHALLENGE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

LOWER YOUR ANXIETY TODAY!

3 reasons negative thoughts make us feel so bad &

3 steps to show them who's boss.... (aka YOU)

Negative thoughts..... ugh..... you know, those things that make you feel depressed and anxious and all-over terrible.... we've all got em. But we don't need to let them be the boss of us, and control how we think and feel and act.

One of the first things I hear in therapy sessions are these negative thoughts that come up for people. Everyone has them. Though some people are better than others at realizing that they are around. They're often the things our brain tells us, like "you're not good enough" "there's a reason you're single" "there's no point in applying to that job, you won't get it"…. etc.

Maybe these sound familiar to you. The reason why they're so crappy is:

1. they make us feel bad. Terrible. Anxious. Depressed. Hopeless. Etc.

2. they're also often not even real or true or based in any tiny bit of factual information.

3. and for most people, we don't realize our brain is doing this. it happens so fast, automatically. and our brains have gotten very good at doing this for X # of years. 25, 32, 41.... for however many years, it's a lot of years of practice.

The general way for dealing with them is based in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which is an evidenced-based therapy modality. All of that therapymumbojumbo basically means that it's proven to work. I use parts of this in my work with lots of different people. But it's not everyone's jam.... so if it's not yours either, don't worry!

3 steps to "mastering your negative thoughts" might sound easy, but remember... your brain has gotten very, very good at doing this. Many many years of fine-tuned practice. So, it's not so easy or quick. It is a process.

But the 3 steps don't really change:
Step # 1- catching negative thoughts. First, you need to identify and increase your awareness of when these thoughts pop up. You can do this on your own, or work with a therapist to help. When I'm meeting with people, I am listening for a lot of different things, but negative thoughts that you aren't fully aware of, is one of the big ones. And I'll tell you when I hear them. Once we have a good idea of what they are, then we can move to step 2.
Step #2- looking for evidence. Gathering actual, objective evidence to support or disprove your thought is an extremely important step. The objective part is key, though. You can't trust your own brain here. In sessions, I am often reminding people of the objective evidence that very often fully disproves their negative thoughts.
Step #3- finding an alternative thought. Once you identify the negative thought, and are able to disprove it.... now you need to tell your brain what it should be thinking instead. This would be your new & improved, alternative thought. This one is based in reality and objective evidence. And, hopefully, makes you feel a bit better than the first automatic negative thought. It should also be easier to believe (remember, evidence).... but might still take some time to convince your brain, so you might need to actively remind yourself of this newer way of thinking.

If you have any questions, you can always reach out to me. Or if you want to try out this process in real life, let's book a session to get started! Remember, this format doesn't work for everyone, and it's not the only way to tackle feeling crappy. But it is a process and a tool that can work for a lot of people.

Click the button below if you'd like to get my FREE PDF guide to challenging your negative thoughts. It will walk you through all of the steps needed to get started, you can sign up to get it here…. FOR FREE.

#winning

#goodbyenegativethoughts

Anxiety- friend or frenemy?

This video just crossed my path and it is absolutely AMAZING! I have been known to encourage people to name their anxiety- i.e. “Hi Gloria, I have no time for you today” sort of naming, but this takes takes it to a whole new level.

You can read along with Jae Nichelle here.

Let me know your thoughts or, as always, feel free to reach out if you want to take some new steps to KNOCK OUT your own anxiety.

SELF CARE IN THE SUMMER: 5 FREE Summer Survival Skills

It’s July. It’s officially officially summer (yes, I know the equinox passed us already). There is something about July in NYC that is….. Let’s say, distinct. Kids are out of school, but the hoards of people haven’t fully left the city yet (like in August). It’s hot, humid, and the streets smell of warm trash (not fun). There are constant fireworks going off in most Brooklyn neighborhoods (as well as the occasional gun shot). Quick thunderstorms roll through, sometimes cancelling your favorite outdoor event (be it a movie screening, concert, or yoga in the park). Not the best time to be in Brooklyn if you’re a dog who’s scared of those things (which I have). And sometimes can be a hard time if you’re just a regular ole human.

So, how best to manage it all….. And, dare I say, enjoy the summer in the city! As a therapist in Brooklyn (and having lived here for 17 years in August)…. I have finely tuned some of my summer survival skills. 

Self care can encompass lots of different things, depending on who you talk to. Some poo-poo it as spending money on yourself. This can be true, but does not have to be the case. Let’s start with the foundational basics, that are all basically FREE & go from there….

1) HYDRATION- Please drink a glass of water every morning when you wake up, and try your best to continue drinking a hydrating beverage throughout the day. Rosé or your favorite summer craft brew don’t count. But given the heat index, and the propensity for summer social drinking events…. make an effort to get in the habit of hydrating throughout the day, your body will thank you.

2) SLEEP- Depending on your air conditioning situation, and being able to sleep through the summer night noises of Brooklyn (fireworks, gun shots, etc).... Sleeping in the summer can be a challenge. If you have AC, use it when you need it! It can also act as a white noise to help drown out the street noises. White noise machines (or apps) can also be helpful. If you don’t have AC- maybe try taking a cool shower before you go to bed, or putting an ice pack on your neck (or anywhere comfortable on your body) as you fall asleep (a cool or frozen washcloth can also do the trick).

3) EAT LOCAL & FRESH- Summer is my favorite time to eat in NYC. We may live in a giant-ass city, but we are surrounded by farms ( Sign up for your local CSA, swing by one of the many the farmer’s markets, or now you can even buy a one-off CSA box from Fresh Direct-so you don’t have to commit to a full season, if that’s too much). Enjoy all the local and delicious fresh fruits & veggies.

4) TAKE OFF SOME DAYS OFF- What I hear over and over from people (and experience in my own life too) is that the summer weekends are already booked up with activities and events from now through Labor day. Us NYers are busy in the summer. It can be hard to avoid it. There are so many things to do, and FOMO is a real thing. But please please please take a day off every now and then. And not a day off that is then re-filled with house chores & laundry (tho that has to get done at some point). But a true day off to recharge & rest. If a full day is too much, start with a part of the day: a lazy morning or evening at home, or (GASP) a day that has nothing planned and see where the day takes you. You might end up lounging in Prospect Park for hours or going to a movie (I love going to the movies in the summer, and will probably write a whole separate blog post for that- but basically it’s a lovely deeply air conditioned escape). If you prefer not to shell out the $17+ for a movie ticket, maybe you end up at one of the many free outdoor movie screenings (not as air conditioned, but just as fun). 

5) TRY SOMETHING NEW- NewYorkers are creatures of habit. We take the same trains to the same neighborhoods, often going to our same favorite spots with our same favorite people. Having favorites is great- I love that about NY. But the summer is also prime time to try something new, and there is scientific evidence that trying something new can be helpful for improving your mood. Just sayin’. It also does not have to cost money to try something new (though, of course it easily can). Try a free fitness class, aforementioned free movie screenings, free concerts, free theater, go to Governor’s Island (first ferry is free) and escape the city, go for a hike in the trails/wooded areas of Central or Prospect Park. The list can go on and on, and there are many places on the interwebs to find such lists. And if you need guidance, reach out & I’m happy to point you towards some fun, free options that you might like to try. The specifics don’t matter that much...The point is to mix up your routine a bit, and you might even find a new “favorite” thing to do. 

As I tell a lot of my clients- don’t try to make all the changes at once. Try just one small step or action, and try to make it sustainable. Reach out if you have any questions, need any ideas, or have your own favorite free NYC selfcare items to add in :)

Happy July, y’all.

ps- I’m not southern, I just really like using y’all. And it basically has been a part of my vocabulary after spending time in Baton Rouge in 2004.

(I took this cover photo at this year’s FREE Shakespeare in the Park)

why all the F-bombs?

After a recent website re-vamp, you might have noticed that there are a couple F-bombs circulating around. For awhile, I used to censor myself (once editing out a rogue FUCK from a past blog post). Over the years of being a therapist (now, well over a decade), I would often work especially hard to not say certain words in sessions, fuck very often being one of them. I don’t swear more than your average New Yorker, but I do swear. And I’m done hiding it. How can I help you be authentically you, and not fully embrace my own goddamn self?! I can’t.

I also cannot count on my fingers & toes the number of times I’ve heard from people about previous bad therapy experiences they had- where they felt judged for swearing, and one person said the therapist even asked they did not swear in session. I was and am so appalled by this. And want you to know, I will not be that therapist.

I have worked with people who will quickly apologize after swearing, or ask permission to say a bad word in session. Again, 100% not necessary. There will be plenty of other things you need to give yourself permission for, that will likely come up in sessions (hint hint: taking care of yourself and your needs and making this a priority in your life), but swearing will never be one of them.

So, this week I got my new office toy- the photo cover here. And I fucking love it!

Ready for Saturday?

Hey Brooklyn Runners! I just picked up by number & shirt from the rainy Brooklyn waterfront, and am getting ready for the race Saturday. I wanted to share with you a FREE (and hopefully helpful) planner to get ready in the next few days! Do you love to-do lists? I do! I have done far too many races where I have forgotten some key ingredients come race morning. Items like: headphones, fuel, dry change of clothes, layers, metrocard to get home, etc.  *Also, my go-to must have on a rainy race day is a trash bag. I sometimes look strange, as I am often the only one wearing a trash bag in the morning... but am DRY & happy. And would HIGHYL recommend! Hehe*

DOWNLOAD IT HERE!

As you may know, I am also a big fan of self-care... especially leading up to (and immediately after) a big race. So this planner will help you set some intentional self-care plans. Some good (and highly recommended) options: SLEEP, massage (self, partner or professional!), some healthy and delicious carbs (do cookies count? i hope so), treating yourself to that way overpriced (but hydrating & good for you) juice or smoothie.

Feel free to add in the comments any other self caring you like to do before/after a race, and any other reminders of things not to forget on race day!

Most of all, enjoy Saturday! The Brooklyn Half is by far the most fun race I have had the privilege of running. And honestly, the rain will very likely be much more enjoyable than the years it has been sunny (and so hot on Ocean Parkway!). Just prepare & pack accordingly. 

See you out there!

Welcome Spring?

So, it's official. I am not the best at regularly keeping up with this whole blog-writing thing. I will aim to do better, pinky swear. 

It's April (already mid April! woah), and I'm about halfway into training for the Brooklyn Half. I have been easing my way back into running and training, after taking some time off this winter (and post NYC Marathon 2017). This Brooklyn Half will be my 4th time running this fun race, within the last 5 years. (took last year off to do the century bike Ride to Montauk, which was very challenging and a lot of fun). Very much looking forward this year to running to Coney Island. 

Stay tuned for some exciting things Therapy For Runners will have to help with the end of Brooklyn Half training. (Hint hint: it might have something to do with my favorite topic, self-care). 

In the meantime, check out the Spring Wellness Intensive offerings. Full package on sale ($100 off!) until April 30th!